Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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