Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
