we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
