How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
