honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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