My boss' voice literally gives me gas
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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