I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
