I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
