he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
