worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
