every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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