big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
