I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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