Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
