the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
