I cockslap morals
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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