so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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