Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
