I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
