11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
