Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
