Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
