All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
