FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
