If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
