that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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