am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
