His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
