4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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