Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
