How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
