it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
