Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
