when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
