i don't plan on having that self control this summer
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just found puke in my bra..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
