I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
