Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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