you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
