You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
