Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
