My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
