I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
