Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
