what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Randomize
