I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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