Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
