How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
