Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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