Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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