i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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