She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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