Why is your signature on my underwear?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
BRING THE BAGELS
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
